She Gathers Rain
by DixieCup
Summary: A CWE#3 entry - A short emotional piece as Trixie and Jim work together to overcome a challenge in their relationship.


_Standard disclaimers apply: I don't own the characters, I only take them out to play with them occasionally and I don't make any money off them. A book is never really happy unless its been read and re-read until the cover falls off and you need to buy a second copy. This is how I pay loving homage to my childhood favorites. _

_**She gathers rain to rinse away all her guilt and pain. She gathers rain to wash and cleanse and make her whole again. ~ Ed Roland**_

Nineteen year old Trixie Belden paused outside the driveway of Crabapple Farm, debating going in. Her family was preparing for their Thanksgiving Open House that week and she didn't want to ruin their joy with her heartbreak.

Decision made, she walked up to where it all began and where it all ended.

The skies opened up and Trixie welcomed the deluge of rain as it reflected her own pain. She stood in the shadow of the Nell's Cottage and cried.

Jim Frayne sat in the warm cozy loft in Nell's Cottage, reading the latest copy of _Horse Illustrated_. A sweet American Paint was up for sale and he was researching the breed.

Movement outside caught his attention and he saw his bride approaching the cottage. Her shoulders were sad and defeated and his heart broke watching her. The cold November rain began and Jim went out to meet her.

He found her, head down, crying in the rain. "What's wrong, Trix?" he said softly.

Trixie looked up with haunted blue eyes. "This is where it all began," she said. Jim nodded in agreement.

Jim guided her inside and went into the kitchenette to make them hot tea.

"It's mint," he said, returning with a towel and two mugs of steaming hot tea. "What happened, Trix?" he asked, cursing the weakness and fear he felt at Trixie's obvious sadness.

"Do you remember last month?" she asked softly. The tea was doing its job and the warmth of Nell's Cottage surrounded her.

Jim thought. "When the condom broke?"

Trixie nodded. "It wasn't a big deal. Our wedding was already planned. An early first baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, right?" She sniffled. "I was kind of hoping to just have you for myself for a few years but I was okay either way."

She hugged her middle, fighting back the utter despair.

"What happened, baby? You never said anything so I figured no news meant nothing to report."

"My period was late," Trixie continued, staring out the window, not really seeing Jim as she lost herself in her own pain. "I wanted to wait. Make sure I wasn't jumping the gun. I went to see Dr. Ferris on Monday."

"Okay," he said softly. His dark green eyes met Trixie's red rimmed blue ones. Cold, wet, broken hearted and miserable – she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

"The test came back positive," Trixie said, burrowing herself into Jim's arms.

Jim's heart clenched_. She didn't want his baby?_

"And then I got my period this morning." The words were torn from her throat in a rush of bravado and fear. "Please don't hate me."

A double rush of relief that she wanted his kids and sorrow that they weren't having one hit him like a train. "I couldn't hate you, Trix," he asked, stroking her hair. "You're my best friend."

Trixie sniffled miserably.

"I would love a baby," he said softly. "But we'll be able to make lots more. As many as you want," he teased softly, kissing her ear. "But why the guilt?" Trixie was effervescent and vibrant – where was all her pain and sorrow coming from?

Trixie curled next to him on the couch. She picked up one of his warm freckled hands in her own icy cold ones. "I should have been more careful," Trixie whispered, unable to look at him.

He lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. "The condom broke, Trix. It happens. We both knew the risks when we decided not to wait until we got married."

"I loved you almost from the first moment I met you, Jim Frayne." She touched his well defined lips. "The first time you smiled at me, I knew."

"It took me a little longer," Jim said, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead. "When you were taking care of Bobby after the snake bite. That's when I knew."

Trixie gave a watery giggle. "That was what? The next day?"

"I was a little slow on the uptake."

"I was in denial," she said softly. "I suspected I was pregnant but I still went riding. I tripped playing one on one with Brian last week. What if I knocked our little guy loose?"

"I don't know a lot about this," Jim admitted softly. "But I'm pretty sure normal activity doesn't cause miscarriages."

Trixie nodded, her curls tickling his nose. He held her then, sharing his strength with her.

"Jim?"

"Mm?"

"I need you to promise me something." The tears were drying to be replaced by his fierce Valkyrie warrior.

"Anything."

"If something happens to me, do not abandon our kids the way your mother abandoned you. Don't shrink in on yourself the way your Uncle did."

Jim nodded. They shared the same fears. "My heart lives here, with you. And while I definitely understand how Uncle James became a hermit, I've been blessed with the Bob-Whites. They would never allow that."

"If our kids are anything like us, they'll need all of us on our A game to keep them in line." Trixie took a deep breath, fighting her fears and ignoring the pain in Jim's eyes. "Many, many times I get mad at your mom," Trixie admitted softly. "I know it's the past and it happened the way it happened. But I promise you this, James Frayne, I will kill to protect our babies." Her eyes were fierce and proud and daring him to say something.

"And you think I'm like my mother? That I would remarry someone and let her abuse our kids?"

A look of dawning horror crossed Trixie's face. "Oh, God, Jim, no! I mean, yes, in a way. But no! I know you would never ever allow anyone to harm us." She kissed his cheek. "But do I worry you'd love me so completely there'd be no room left for anything but pain if I die? Yes, I do."

Jim nodded, smoothing her curls away from her face. "You've taught me many things, Trix." Nothing else in his life mattered but this moment and this woman.

She fidgeted, waiting for him to continue.

"One of them was to learn to have a stretchy heart. Uncle James and my mother weren't blessed with that, I guess. So when their true love died, they couldn't cope."

She put her head on his chest, feeling the reassuring beat of his stretchy heart. "Your mother loved you, Jim."

Jim sighed "I know. Just because she didn't love me the way I needed her to didn't mean she didn't love me with all she had."

She rose to put the tea cups in the sink and startled to find Jim behind her, strong arms bracketing her against the counter, warming her more hotly than any cup of mint tea.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" Jim whispered into her damp curls. She nodded.

She turned in his arms, reaching up to wrap her own around his neck. "Enough to have three or four babies with me?" she said hopefully

He grinned at her, that sweet lopsided grin that had devastated her young girl's heart. "Only three or four, Shamus?" He reached out to play with his curl and Trixie felt the ache in her heart start to lift. Come what may, they'd be fine.

_**Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. ~ Peter Ustinov**_


End file.
